Josh Cullen Gets Vulnerable In ‘Lost & Found’ – An Exclusive Track-By-Track Guide

From the start, Josh Cullen has always seen his calling in giving hope and inspiration to other people.

When the SB19 lead rapper and singer announced that he was finally set to release his debut album, it came as no surprise that the news was met with widespread anticipation and excitement from fans all over. However, beyond more than simply being his first solo full-length release, for Josh, it serves a greater, selfless purpose.

Even before officially coming out with Lost & Found, Josh made it absolutely clear that the songs on the album will be different from what people have heard from him before. For the first time, his music sees him fully baring his heart and soul, courageously revisiting a painful, traumatic past while channeling all the emotions that come with it and turning them into something positive. In Lost & Found, we see Josh Cullen narrating his life’s story, ultimately, with the hope of connecting with others and letting them know that they’re not alone in what they might be going through.

“Yun ‘yung purpose ko (That’s my purpose). To give inspiration and to give hope,” he shares to Billboard Philippines. “Ultimately, [Lost & Found] is for these people who have been suffering with the same traumas, pain, or abuse, to know that it’s okay not to be okay and, at the same time, not to destroy themselves.”

Sonically, Lost & Found sees Josh taking on a vast array of genres, from vibrant pop rock, to heartfelt and sensual ballads, to heavy-hitting pop-punk, backed up by the likes of (e)motion engine as well as Alamat‘s Mo on certain tracks. As he explores an eclectic range of sounds, ultimately, for Josh, his songs will always have his signature mark “as long as he’s telling authentic stories.”

“Any artist, basta sumulat ka (as long as you write) with authenticity, meron ‘yung ikaw lang makakaisip noon (there will be something that only you can think of), ikaw lang makakagawa noon (that only you can create),” he expounds, noting how he believes that his own craft is not something anyone else can just simply replicate, especially “if it came straight from [his] heart.” “Kung matagal na akong fina-follow ng mga tao, alam nila yan (If people have been following me for a while now, they know it already). Na, “This is Josh Cullen. Story ‘nya talaga ‘to.” (That, “This is Josh Cullen. This is really his story.”)

With this, Billboard Philippines sat down with Josh Cullen for an exclusive track-by-track guide of Lost & Found, where he personally goes in-depth with the stories and experiences that inspired and pieced together each song.

“1999”

Meron kasi akong weird mannerisms nung bata ako. One of them was biting my tongue. Hindi ko alam [dati] bakit. During those times, siyempre, bata [pa ako]. Pero I was doing it and it felt great. Kapag ginagawa ko siya, kumakalma ako. Pero kasi, abused ako nung bata. So, doon ko na-realize na coping mechanism ko pala siya. So, ‘yung biting my tongue was to relieve my anxiety. Doon ko na-realize na I didn’t know what anxiety was during that time pero anxiety pala lahat ‘yun.

(I had these weird mannerisms when I was a kid. One of them was biting my tongue. I didn’t know why back then. During those times, of course, I was still a kid. But I was doing it and it felt great. Whenever I would do it, I would calm down. But the thing is, I was abused as a kid. So, that’s when I realized that it was coping mechanism. So, biting my tongue was to relieve my anxiety. That’s when I realized that I didn’t know what anxiety was during that time but that was actually all anxiety. 

While recording it, una kasi, English [‘yung lyrics] e. Ang pagkakasulat ko diyan [dati], “I had to bite my tongue a million times.” Tapos, sabi ko, “Wait, gamitin ko ‘yung language namin. Para mas personal and mas maka-connect ‘yung mga tao.” Sabi ko, “Okay, I think it works.” Pero ang daming na-wirdohan. Actually, even my vocal producer pero sabi ko, “Basta gawin natin. If it’s weird, then it’s good.”

(While recording it, at first, the lyrics were in English. The way I wrote I wrote it before was, “I had to bite my tongue a million times.” Then, I said, “Wait, I’ll use our language. So that it’s more personal and people can connect with it more.” I said, “Okay, I think it works.” But a lot of people got weirded out by it. Actually, even my vocal producer but I said, “Let’s just do it. If it’s weird, then it’s good.”)

“See Me”

I dedicated it to the fans, my BBQs, my A’TIN. All throughout ng mga pinagdaraanan ko, alam nila yan. Being an artist is not easy, lalo na in terms of mental health. 

(I dedicated it to the fans, my BBQ’s, my A’TIN. All throughout what I’ve been through, they know it. Being an artist is not easy, especially in terms of mental health.)

Marami talaga before na hindi naniniwala or nag-da-doubt sa mga kakayahan ko. Dati, wala akong pakialam. Pero nung marami nang sinasabi ‘yung mga tao, naging medyo conscious ako. Kasi, parang, “Bakit ang harsh naman ng ‘to? Hindi naman nila alam bakit ako nagiging ganito.” Like, ‘yung mannerisms ko or ‘yung way of talking ko. Bakit kailangan ka i-judge for that? 

(There were a lot before who didn’t believe or doubted my abilities. Before, I didn’t care. But when people were already saying a lot of things, I became a bit conscious. Because, like, “Why are they so harsh? They don’t even know why I’m like this.” Like, my mannerisms or my way of talking. Why do you have to be judged for that?)

Pero dahil andiyan ‘yung mga fans, ‘yung mga taong naniniwala sa akin from the start, na alam bakit “weird” ako, bakit ganito ako magsalita, I finally saw me the way that they see me. Nung una, hindi rin ako masyado naniniwala sa sarili ko in terms of, actually, everything – music, skills, and personality. Pero dahil nakikita nila ‘yung good in me, mas nakita ko ‘yun sa sarili ko. 

(But because the fans are there and the people who believed in me from the start, the ones who know why I’m “weird,” why I talk this way, I finally saw me the way they see me. At first, I didn’t believe in myself in terms of, actually, everything – music, skills, and personality. But because they see the good in me, I saw more of that in myself as well.

May representation nga ‘yan e, ‘yung “see” [in “See Me”]. Takot talaga ako sa open water pero ‘yung visualizer na ginamit ko diyan is the sea. Dahil nakita ‘nyo kasi ako na ganito, ready na ako i-face ‘yung fears ko. 

(The “see” in “See Me,” there’s actually a representation for it. I’m actually scared of open water but the visualizer I used for it is the sea. Because you saw me like this, I’m now ready to face my fears.

“Silent Cries”

My silent battles. Kung nakita ‘nyo ‘yung music video nito, hindi nakikita ng mga tao ‘yung silent battles ko. Kasi lagi kong pinapakita na, “Okay ka, performer ka, magaling ka.” They wouldn’t really be able to know if you’re really doing okay.

(My silent battles. If you saw the music video for this, people don’t see my silent battles. It’s because I always show that, “You’re okay, you’re a performer, you’re awesome.” They wouldn’t really be able to know if you’re really doing okay.)

From my younger self up to now, marami talaga akong battles. [The music video is] very personal sa akin kasi parang ito ‘yung younger self ko na binalikan ko lahat. Like, paano ‘yung hindi ako nakapag-aral, hindi ako naging normal kid. As in, marami. So, doon ko binuhos lahat ‘yung mga nararamdaman ko every day. I want people to relate to it kasi, for sure, hindi lang ako ‘yung nakaka-feel noon. 

(From my younger self up to now, I’ve had a lot of battles. The music video is very personal to me because it’s like coming back to my younger self. Like, how I wasn’t able to go to school, I didn’t become a normal kid. As in, a lot. So, I poured the emotions I felt every day into it. I want people to relate to it because, for sure, I’m not the only one who feels that way.)

Fun fact: the hook [of the song], on the spot ko siya ginawa during the recording. Sabi ko, “Ang ganda na [ng ‘Silent Cries,’] very catchy and all, pero it should have ‘yung hook na mas ma–fe-feature ko ‘yung musicality ko.”

(Fun fact: the hook of the song, I made it on the spot during the recording. I said, ‘Silent Cries’ is great already, very catchy and all, but it should have a hook that would feature my musicality even better.”)

“Honest”

“If I’m being honest, I’ve been lying my whole life.” So, parang, ‘yung thought na ‘yun na lagi na lang akong nagiging people pleaser. Na-realize ko na lagi ko na lang pinepeke ‘yung emotions ko, na, “Hindi ka p’wede maging ganito kasi artist ka,” na “Okay, pinili mo yan, so gan’to ka.” We [artists] have emotions as well. Hindi kami robot. Hindi porket may ginagawa kaming ganito, we’re the strongest soldiers. 

(“If I’m being honest, I’ve been lying my whole life.” So, it’s like the thought that I’m always being a people pleaser. I realized that I’m always faking my emotions, that, “You can’t be like this because you’re an artist,” that, “Okay, you chose this, that’s why you’re like this.” We artists have emotions as well. We’re not robots. It’s not because we do these things we’re the strongest soldiers.)

Hindi lang sa industry, [pero] minsan, sa family, minsan, sa kaibigan din, mahirap din talaga ipakita ‘yung true self mo. So, ‘yun ‘yung pinaka-naging inspiration ko rito sa “Honest.”

(Not just in the industry, but sometimes, with family, sometimes, with friends as well, it’s also really difficult to show your true self. So, that became my main inspiration with “Honest.”

I did it with Japs [Mendoza] and Chael [Adriano] ng The Juans. Sobrang galing nila! They produced something, tapos pinresent nila sa akin. Tapos, sinulat ko agad ‘yung buong kanta. Pagkatapos, ni-record na agad namin ‘nung gabi. Sobrang naging therapeutic din ‘nya for me kasi ‘yung mga kwento and mga experiences nila, naramdaman ko na similar din talaga, na marami rin talagang artist na nag-sa-struggle sa ginagawa nila.

(I did it with Japs Mendoza and Chael Adriano of The Juans. They’re so great! They produced something, then they presented it to me. Then, I immediately wrote the whole song. After that, we recorded it immediately that night. It became very therapeutic for me because  their stories and their experiences, I felt that they were also similar to mine, that there are also a lot of other artists that struggle with what they’re doing.)

“No Control” featuring (e)motion engine

Nakakatuwa ‘yang track na ‘yan! It’s all about you trying to not give a f**k about anything. ‘Yung music video ‘nya is all about my experiences – kung saan ako nanggaling, kung saan ako nag-start, paano ko talagang nilagpasan ‘yung mga bagay-bagay. 

(That track is a fun one! It’s all about you trying to not give a f**k about anything. Its music video is all about my experiences – where I came from, where I started, how I overcame so many things.)

It’s either you go with the flow or you go against the current. Para sa akin, going against the current is the way. ‘Yun ‘yung ginawa ko sa “No Control.” “Okay lang. Magwala tayo ngayon. Sumigaw tayo. Kalimutan natin [ang] lahat.” Minsan, kailangan mo ‘yun. Minsan, kailangan mo ilabas lahat nung naiipon na feelings mo. 

(It’s either you go with the flow or you go against the current. For me, going against the current is the way. That’s what I did with “No Control.” “It’s okay. Let’s go wild right now. Let’s shout. Let’s forget about everything.” Sometimes, you need that. Sometimes, you need to let out all your feelings bottled up inside.)

Fun fact: sa music video, lahat ‘yun na-enjoy ko gawin. As in, sobrang enjoy lang ako. Talagang pinagtripan ko talaga sila!

(Fun fact: in the music video, I enjoyed doing all of that. As in, I just enjoyed all of it. I really messed with everyone!) 

“Lights Out” featuring Alamat Mo

Matagal na kaming magkaibigan ni Mo. As in, matagal na. Matagal na rin naming pinaguusapan ‘yung mga collabs, not just Mo but the entire[ty] [of] Alamat [as well]. Sinasabi ko na rin sa kanila na, “Gawa tayo.”

(Mo and I have been friends for a while now. As in, a while. We’ve also been talking about collaboration for some time already, not just Mo but the entirety of Alamat as well. I also tell them, “Let’s make something.”

Pero, I specifically chose Mo for this song kasi gusto ko rin makita talaga kung ano ‘yung kaya ‘nyang ihain, kumbaga, for this kind of track. So, ginawa ko siya the night before I sent it to him. Tapos, pagka-send ko sa kanya, pagkagising ko, meron na siyang reply. Sabi ko, “Ang bilis mo ah!” 

(But, I specifically chose Mo for this song because I also wanted to really see what he could bring to the table , so to speak, for this kind of track. So, I made it the night before I sent it to him. Then, after I sent it to him, when I woke up, he already had a reply. I said, “You’re quick!”)

Wala akong masabi. Sa lyrics and storytelling, ibang level si Mo. As in, what an exceptional artist. Sabi ko, “Ibang klase ka! Ang galing ng pagkakagawa mo. Ang galing ng flow, ng lyricism.” Alam ko namang magaling siya, but I didn’t know he was that good. So, I believe dapat mabigyan pa siya ng maraming opportunities, not just him but the entire[ty] [of] Alamat [as well]. 

(I had no words. In terms of lyrics and storytelling, Mo is on another level. As in, what an exceptional artist. I said, “You’re something else! The way you did things were great. The flow and the lyricism is great! I knew that he was good but I didn’t know he was that good. So, I believe he should be given more opportunities, not just him but the entirety of Alamat as well.)

Binigyan ‘nya rin ng mas intense [na] kiliti [‘yung song] kasi kung papakinggan mo nga ‘yung lyrics, sobrang sensual.

(He also gave the song a more intense kind of feeling because if you listen to the lyrics, it’s really sensual.)

“Sumaya”

Iba-iba tayo ng perceptions when it comes to love. For me, “Sumaya” is, no matter what happens, you’ll love the person even if it means na papakawalan mo siya. Kasi, may times talaga na mahal mo siya, pero ‘yung beliefs ‘nyo, hindi naman tugma. So, it’s okay na magkahiwalay kayo.

(We all have different perceptions when it comes to love. For me, “Sumaya” is, no matter what happens, you’ll love the person even if it means that you have to let them go. Because, there really are times when you love them, but your beliefs, they don’t match. So, it’s okay that you go your separate ways.)

Ako kasi, ganun ako magmahal, ‘yung kahit mawala sa akin, okay lang basta ‘yun ‘yung best for them. ‘Yun ‘yung true love for me – ‘yung nakikita mong masaya sila. Hindi ‘yung, “Oo, mahal ‘nyo ang isa’t isa pero hirap na hirap naman, na ang toxic ‘nyo na” 

(It’s because for me, that’s how I love someone, wherein even if I lose them, it’s okay as long as that’s the best for them. That’s what true love is for me – when you see them happy. It’s not like, “Yes, you love each other but you’re having a hard time, you’re already toxic for each other.”)

Fun fact: ‘yung audio, ‘yung video, [we had] three days to do everything. Hindi talaga ako natulog for three days. Nag-edit ako. Kasama ko ‘yung prod, ‘yung Toothless [Studios], tapos nakakatulog na sila. Siyempre, wala kaming tulog lahat e! So, umupo ako sa table, tapos ako na ‘yung nag-cut, nag-edit. Meron akong ability maging storyteller, lalo na in terms of videos, kasi sobrang hilig ko sa films, sa documentaries.

(Fun fact: the audio, the video, we had three days to do everything. I really didn’t sleep for three days. I edited. I was with the prod – Toothless Studios – and they had already fallen asleep. Of course, it’s because we all hadn’t slept yet. So, I sat at the table, and I was the one who did the cuts and edited. I have this ability to become a storyteller, especially in terms of videos, because I really love films and documentaries.)

In celebration of the album’s release, Josh Cullen is set to hold his first ever solo concert this Septmeber 28 (Saturday) at the New Frontier Theater in Quezon City. Get ready to experience the tracks from Lost & Found in person by learning more about the special show here.