Janine Berdin Sings About Stupid Love And Toxic Relationships In ‘LAB SONGS NG MGA TANGA’ – An Exclusive Track-By-Track Guide

They say you only get one first impression. Or, in the case of an artist like Janine Berdin, her debut album. After over seven years in the industry, the Cebuana singer-songwriter is releasing her debut record during a period of growth that feels like a coming-of-age.

Reflecting on the timing of her release, Janine shares why now feels right for her. “I was very lucky, talaga, ever since, because I’ve always had the option of releasing a record, but I just didn’t have the courage to release a debut album,” she tells Billboard Philippines in an exclusive interview.

“You only have your first album once. But I’m confident enough now, sa position ko now, with the knowledge I have some music now, and the experience, and just the confidence of having a good team behind me. I’m very excited because this record really fully represents who I am now, fully realized — sonically and personally,” she adds.

Looking back at her beginnings, Janine recalls the fear and restraint she felt entering the industry. Making her first mark as the Tawag ng Tanghalan Season 2 grand champion on the noontime variety show It’s Showtime in 2016, she says, “I had boxes that I wasn’t allowed to, you know, like, step out of. So, I was a little more restrained, and I was a little filtered.”

Now, with her debut record, she embraces complete freedom in expressing herself. When asked about pressure, particularly following a string of successful singles, she admits the weight of having only one first album.

“So, the pressure is really heavy on my shoulders. I know everyone around me has been saying, ‘Let go.’ But, again, there’s a lot of, it’s a different pressure when maraming sumusporta (I have a lot of support). I like being the underdog. I was an underdog before, so I was like, I had a drive. Grabe ‘yung gigil ko (I couldn’t contain my excitement).”

LAB SONGS NG MGA TANGA captures her at her most honest and raw, fully expressing her feelings and emotions. With her ability to write quickly, almost like a word vomit, she channels whatever she’s feeling into her songs.

Finally, Billboard Philippines sat down with Janine for an exclusive track-by-track guide of her debut album, in which she explores the origins of why she feels foolish in love, her journey through heartbreak and confusing feelings, and the story of a defining period in her life.

“second child (intro)”

Janine Berdin: I really pushed for this song to be the intro because it’s the reason kung bakit tanga ako sa pag-ibig (why I’m stupid in love).

Because I’m a second child, and what I experienced as a second child, I feel like we deal with love the way we were taught. So that’s what the song talks about. It’s kung bakit tanga ako (why I’m stupid) because this is how I was introduced to love, and I’m slowly trying to unlearn it. But it’s kind of hard because it’s like it’s a pattern I have to break. 

“SITWASYONSHIP”

Janine Berdin: This track is very important to me because I released it when I was indie. So, this is when I first left my home, ‘yung first management ko (my first management). “SITWASYONSHIP” was I gambled everything on the song.

I really bet my everything on it, and I am glad it paid off. Thank you to everyone who related to it. But really, I wrote this because it’s what I was going through, and I was really stupid going into this […] I’m glad that people are able to laugh at it instead of feeling ashamed about it. Because a lot of times I would be by myself in the room, na parang (like) “Oh my gosh, I’m so pathetic. Why did I put myself through this?” But when I put it out and when I saw that everyone else was also going through it, maybe I’m not so pathetic at all.

That’s what’s so amazing about music. That’s really the reason why I fell in love with it […] I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, so I would only talk to myself and my family. But then, I would find a song that would talk about exactly what I was feeling, and that’s exactly why I’m doing what I do now.

“Ayos Lang”

Janine Berdin: “Ayos Lang” is like, “Why are you sending me mixed signals?” I love this song so much. This album has a lot of Japanese rock influences. “Ayos Lang,” I feel like it’s where it shines through the most.

It talks about a boy or someone giving mixed signals. I think this song is the most unserious out of all of them, ‘cause it’s really just like, “Ide-delete ko na ‘yung screenshots ko, ‘tas magpaparinig ako sa IG notes.” (I’m going to delete my screenshots, then throw some hints on IG notes.) Literally, those are the lyrics. 

We’re laughing about something that, usually, we get ashamed about. It feels so weird that I have so many screenshots of conversations, pero hindi pala siya seryoso about me, kaya ayos lang (but he wasn’t really serious about me, so it’s okay).

“pretty pretty bird”

Janine Berdin: I love this song so much. Musically, sonically, it’s, I think, one of my favorites. It’s very Y2K. I love everything about the song. I wrote this because I was watching Game of Thrones, and I was so fascinated when the Hound called Sansa Stark a bird; she’s not a woman, but she’s a bird.

I really like how he put it — no, the way he said it. Sometimes, these men or these boys make me feel like I’m not a girl, I’m not a woman, I’m not even human, maybe I’m just a bird to them, like, “You’re a bird, you’re something, but I’m indifferent to you.” This person treats another one with respect and love, pero (but) when it comes to me, I’m just like, yeah. Again, it’s also something I’m very ashamed about when I think about it.

“Why do you treat her like a woman, and why do you treat me like a bird?” That’s why I really want to release it also, because again, I want it to be a feeling where you can go back to me and say, “It’s okay, other people feel the same as well.” I love Game of Thrones. I love that ending, unpopular opinion.

“ANTOXIC”

Janine Berdin: This is my favorite song, I think. Everything’s my favorite, but you know, I think this is my favorite because everything is sonically my listening, it’s what I listen to. It’s very shoegaze. Everything’s organic, no samples, nothing. Everything comes from real band sounds. It’s very fucked up-sounding.

My producer, J. Greg — I just want to talk about my producer […] He’s the most talented human in the world […] I was trying to explain the feeling to him, what I wanted to hear, guitars and everything. He came up with the term; he was like, “Okay, so you want the song to sound like BDSM?”

It’s so evil. Very toxic. This is also influenced by a lot of Evanescence elements in it. I just love this song so much […] You know, when people say that “If it doesn’t feel right, you have to move on,” sometimes you just want to be a toxic bitch — “I don’t care, I want him.” If you don’t like this, you have bad music. Just kidding. 

“HAYUP KA”

Janine Berdin: At this point, we’re at the part of the album where I’m like, “I have to leave this situation.” That’s the turning point of the album, where I realize that this is not what I deserve. 

“HAYUP KA” really talks about someone who is manipulative, crazy, and toxic in general. You finally realize that this is not what you deserve, and these kinds of people that the universe lets you meet, you have to tell them to fuck off sometimes. And this isn’t necessarily about a lover. It could also be about a friend or a stupid government.

Letting out frustrations and finally realizing that, “No, this is not for me. I deserve better,” I love [this track]. It’s also very sonically me and really sonically represents the album in general. Really, I love my writing here.

“Miskom” 

Janine Berdin: “Miskom” was “ANTOXIC”‘s enemy to be the lead single, so they’re like… fighting. I wrote this with my guitarist, TJ Castillon, and my drummer, Kirk Basilio. I really grew up on J-rock, and I was dreaming of making songs na J-rock-heavy ‘yung influence (with a heavy J-rock influence).

This song is very [like an] anime opening. It talks about a relationship that failed because of miscommunication […] And telling that person that, “If you only said something, if we only got to talk about, maybe we could have fixed it. But you didn’t want to talk about it.”

A lot of relationships fail because we don’t talk, and there’s a lot of miskom (miscommunication). So I really love this song. This song is very, very special to me. And in another universe, it was the lead single. If they don’t want to talk it out, blast this [song]. Post this on your story.

“Pamamaalam” 

Janine Berdin: Sorry, I’ll take it back. This is my favorite song. This was my second single for the album. It talks about falling out of love with someone. Not because of a bad thing. Na-fall out of love ka lang kasi nawala lang ‘yung spark (You fell out of love because the spark was gone); you outgrew them. And that’s more painful, and I don’t think it’s talked about more or not when you’re the asshole and you have to break up with someone. 

“You know, there’s love still. But it’s just a different type of love now, and it hurts. I don’t want to break your heart because you mean a lot to me. But I think I have to say bye now because you don’t deserve this kind of love. You deserve someone who really, actually loves you.” So, I really love the song.

“What if I miss you for the rest of my life?”

Janine Berdin: I guess the hardest one to really put together emotionally was maybe “What If I miss you for the rest of my life?” Maybe because it’s such a heavy song. But the experience I based it on was very shallow.

It was just like a thing that I don’t even think about anymore. So, it’s kind of ironic […] I was like in the middle of like “Should I really release something like this? That’s not really what I’m feeling about anymore.” When I finally have the courage to say bye, I then go to, like, “What if I miss you for the rest of my life?” I love this song. Shit! Actually, this is my favorite.

No kid, I wrote this while I was shitting on the toilet. Like, you know, I didn’t have my phone. So, I was alone with my thoughts on the toilet. You know, when you shit, you just want your phone, so you don’t think about the empty noise. I was in my thoughts, and then I wrote, “How could I forget your pretty face when you go to places? Do you think of me? Please think of me.” And I was like, “Oh, no!”

I think this is the best bridge ever written for me. Biased, of course. But my bridge on this is so good. I really love my writing on this.

“I love releasing songs na parang ‘yun ‘yung magiging best friend mo (that feel like they could be your best friend) when you were going through that certain thing, and I needed this song at that time of my life,” she says, describing a track on the record, which serves as a time capsule of her own experiences.

“hedonistic slut”

Janine Berdin: I will leave it up to interpretation. But, yeah. There’s a reason why it’s written the way it is. And there’s a reason why the title is the way it is. Kayo na bahala (It’s up to you) to break the things… break it down.

“tayo lang (may alam)”

Janine Berdin: It’s the only one with a feature on it. So I really wanted to include this on my album. It’s also just dumb having fun. I’m a stupid girl in the club. You know, no one has to know what we’re doing. It still thematically really fits in the album. But sonically, it’s very different. I am a rock girl at heart. But growing up, I really listened to a lot of music, and my main pop girl talaga (really) is Doja Cat.

You really hear that very heavy on this song. Also, Illest Morena is someone I really look up to in this industry. When I wrote this track, I mean, cause Fana came to me asking to write the track. So when I wrote it with her, it was like, “Oh my God, you know what? I should put Illest Morena on this,” and then I asked her, and she was so down. And it’s just the girlies having fun.

I didn’t really think that I was making an album till we were making the last track. The last track we were making was “ANTOXIC.” And when we were finishing “ANTOXIC,” I was like, crying.

I was like, “Oh my god, I actually made an album.” And I was so sad. I was having fun, for sure, during the sessions. But I was so in my head that I didn’t even get to ground myself and just think about like, “Wow, I’m building my first record.” I only got to realize it when I was doing the last song. So to anyone who’s making an album, enjoy it, please. I know the pressure’s there, but just try to enjoy it.

The reason why this means so much to me and it’s very important to me is because I feel like I’m actually introducing myself now, because I did start in the industry when I was 16, and I joined TNT [Tawag ng Tanghalan], and that was a beautiful moment of my life. And I’m very proud of it, but it was seven years ago […] I’m 23 now and I’ve lived life and I’ve changed and I’ve experienced so many things and I’m so different sonically, and I learned from these amazing musicians, so I’m so different now.